BY THE NUMBERS

We love numbers. We remember a science fiction film where Pi, the constant used to calculate the circumference of a circle or the volume of a sphere, was used to create a universal language with which to communicate with extraterrestrials. Well, we want to use numbers to communicate with just the American electorate. Your elected representatives have just committed to giving $700B (that’s shorthand for $700,000,000,000.00) to the people who have made a living loaning you money. Think about that. Your elected representatives, the people you have chosen to look after your interests, have just given $700B of your money to people to loan to you WITH interest. Now that doesn’t make much sense to us. How about we loan $700B to these incompetent, greedy, lazy leeches on the American people, AND they pay us interest?

Here’s the good news, most of us won’t have to pay the $700B. According to the National Taxpayers Union 25 percent of the American population pays 86.27 percent of what our government spends. (We were going to round up, but when dealing with numbers this large, a fraction of a point is a whole lot of money) That means 75 percent of us will only have to pay for $175B. What’s that you say? $175B is still a big number? Well, let’s see if we can make you feel better. Fifty percent of the American households will only have to pay for 2.99 percent (No, we don’t want to round up to three percent) Fifty percent of the American households will only have to pay for 2.99 percent of the tab or $20.93B. That’s only $214.77 per family. That doesn’t sound too bad, does it? Americans are generous people. We are always willing to help a starving child in Africa or a Harvard MBA who just had his Christmas bonus cut from $100K to $50K.

Now what is your individual liability? Well, like we just said if your household income is $32,000 or less, you only pay $214.77 of the cost of the bailout. What? You and your wife no longer work at MacDonald’s since you got out of high school? Well, if you make more it’s not too bad. If you and your better half make $65,000 or more your share will be $24,787.12. Don’t worry. It seems worse than it is. Little Johnny can probably get a student loan. Now, suppose you worked your way through college and you and your spouse are living the American dream…paying a mortgage, two car notes, and private school tuition (you went to public school and you wish your kids could too, but the schools were safe then) OK, if you make $110,000 or more your share of the biggest sucker bet in history is a whopping $50,848.40. That’s right, nearly half of your income has been given to a group of losers, in fact the biggest losers in history. We’re right there with you. We have an income of about $150,000 a year, pay a mortgage on a $250,000 home, own three cars (we have a daughter in college), and help our mothers with their rent. Our share of the debt will be $82,545.10, 55 percent of our income. We, too, were panicked until we remembered that we can pass this bill to our children, and their children, and their children…Isn’t American a great country? Isn’t it???